Things I have learnt this week, driving from London to Leeds at 2a.m is a fucking weird feeling! What ever I have and will say being in Leicester Forest services at 3.40 am is full of surprises. I’m there getting a sugar rush and stretching my legs, for some reason I want to purchase a magazine. On the east side it isn’t there, have you ever tried to buy a national enquirer (for my girlfriend honest) from a half deaf French woman? it took ten minuets for us to find the empty slot, 10 minuets and a lot of me going to her good ear (the right side). So I ventured through the baron landscape of empty KFC and Burger King to the other side. Honestly it looked like everyone had suddenly gone; it was clean but chocolate bars and pastries where everywhere. Everything stacked lovingly before the apocalypse came and very considerately took them away. I got to the other WH Smith and met Dan, a man with Bert on one arm (lower arm) and Ernie on the other. What sort of fucking moron has sesame street permanently inked on his arms. Inked really badly too, it looked like his kid wanted to draw and there wasn’t any paper of pens. Just a tattoo Gun and Daddies arms. This was the point when I was sure I was going to be murdered by Dan and flambéed by the little Frenchie. I had sudden visions of Dan dancing around with my skin as a cape and my face on the back of his head, so he could ‘see both ways’. I suddenly thought about what herbs my leg meat would be marinated (rosemary and parsley by the way).Dan smiled at me, the sort of smile that he learnt from counselling in jail, my legs tensed just encase I had to run. It was so forced you could see his eyes twitching. Run I did when I got out of the services, straight to my car where I burned away as quick as I could, to the next services where I had my banana and bottle of Vimto. Fucking night workers man, NUTS!!
